In a perfect world
by boothandboneslove
Summary: In a perfect world this could never happen. Thanks to my beta reader.
1. Chapter 1

Shawn skipped his way into the SBPD happily humming to himself, Lassiter smirked a little bit as he saw the younger man.

It continued to amaze Carlton just how happy Shawn could be this early in the morning. Carlton had never taken Shawn for a morning person before, but yet here he was.

"Hey Carlton, how's my big bad cop doing this morning?" Shawn asked as he stopped beside Carlton at his desk. Carlton's smirk grew into a grin as Shawn threaded their fingers together.

"I'm fine, but I have work to do." Carlton replied and Shawn shook his head silently thinking to himself as he let go of Carlton's hand.

"You have been working all night, Carly. And might I add you have been doing it for the past nine days in a row. I miss being able to curl up with you in bed, it's no fun by myself. You come home long enough to shower, shave, and get some coffee then it's right back off to the precinct. You know all work and no play makes Carly a dull, dull boy." Shawn said as he rubbed the dark haired man's shoulders. Carlton leaned back in his chair as Shawn wrapped his arms around his neck resting his hands on the older mans chest kissing the top of his head.

"I'm a detective Shawn, my job is immportant." Carlton told him sighing.

"Since when did I say it wasn't? I know it is Carlton. But your always busy, it seems as if you never have time for anything but your job." Shawn said walking to stand next to Carlton. "

Shawn, I promise that when I'm done with this case, me and you will do something together." Carlton retorted and Shawn's face brightened a considerable amount as he hugged the older man.

XXX

A few days later and Lassiter finished with the case he had been working on and as he had promised he took Shawn to do something; just the two of them.

After their little date they returned home. Shawn laid in bed staring at the ceiling, he couldn't sleep, he looked at the clock that sat on the stand on Carlton's side of the bed, 1:34 am it said and he sighed. Shawn untangled himself from the sleeping man's grip and pulled on a pair of jeans and a shirt before he walked out of the room closing the door behind him. He grabbed his jacket and his keys before he left a note saying 'Hey Lassie, couldn't sleep so I went for a walk. I'll be back soon, Shawn' for his lover in case he woke up while he was gone so he wouldn't worry about him. Shawn watched as the steert lamps flickered on and off as he walked down the streets of Santa Barbara. The wind blew and Shawn wrapped his jacket tighter around his body in an attempt to keep warm, just then Shawn heard a loud bang sound from the alley to his left. Shawn stared into the darkness of the alley trying to see what had made the noise, Shawn jumped a little bit as a cat ran out of the alley and chuckled at himself for being scared of a little cat. Suddenly Shawn was grabbed from behind and a rag was shoved over his mouth before his entire world went black.


	2. Chapter 2

Shawn opened his eyes and it took him a few seconds for his eyes to adjust to the darkness that surrounded him. He thought back to the last thing he could remember.

"Carlton please find me soon, I'm scared." Shawn said softly sending a silent prayer to god that he would be okay, he was beginning to regret ever leaving the house at all.

XXX

Carlton's eyes snapped open as the alarm clock blared to life, he groaned a little as he hit the off button before climbing from the bed. Just then Carlton noticed that Shawn was missing from the bed. "Shawn, where are you?" Carlton called as he walked out of the room looking for his younger lover, that's when he noticed the note and shock his head as he read it. Carlton showered and shaved before he got dressed and headed to the precinct.

When he was in the car his cell phone started to ringing his pocket. "Detective Carlton Lassiter speaking." Lassie said into the phone, being professional as always.

"Carlton, it's Jules. We got a call from a guy claiming to have shawn, please tell me he's with you." Juliet said and Carlton could hear the worry and fear in her voice.

The phone fall from Carlton's hand and landed on his lap as he almost lost control of his car and swerved off the road, Carlton caught the car turning the steering wheel before he went off the road. "Carlton, Carlton, LASSIE" Juliet screamed into the phone trying to get her partners attention.

"I found a note this morning when I woke up, it said that he couldn't sleep so he went for a walk. I dont know how long he was gone, I thought that he had just left though. I'll be there in ten minutes, see if you have any luck in getting the call traced." Carlton told her when he picked the phone back up before hanging up and hitting the gas as he ignored the speed limit, the honking horns and shouting drivers. Cralton parked his car and ran as fast as he could into the SBPD nearly knocking over Buzz and a rookie in the process. "O'hara, any luck with the trace?" Carlton asked as he stopped beside the blonde haired woman. Juliet looked at him and he noticed that she was trying to hold back the tears.

"We couldn't trace it, but you should hear the message." Jules said as she hit play on the tape recorder on the desk in front of her.

The static was all Carlton could hear for a few seconds before a voice that was obviously being altered spoke.

"Hello, Detective Lassiter. I have Shawn, and if you do anything stupid I'll kill him. I'll call again, goodbye." The voice said and Carlton's heart sank to his stomache as the tears began to prick his eyes. Carlton couldn't believe this was happening, he felt like this couldn't be real. Shawn was is in danger and Lassie wasn't there to protect him from it. Carlton hated himself, he should have woken up when Shawn got out of bed. If he had, this wouldn't be happening to Shawn right now, he would be safe not god knows where. He just hoped that Shawn could stay strong until they found him. 


	3. Chapter 3

Carlton fell to his knees and he put his head in his hands desperately trying to keep the tears from spilling over. How could he cry when Shawn was the one in danger?.

Carlton's whole world felt like it was coming crushing down around him, his heart was breaking in his chest. He needed to find Shawn fast before he lost him and his entire world changed. Carlton couldn't live without Shawn, he knew that if Shawn died then he would die too.

XXX Shawn screamed in pain as his captor once again slid his knife against Shawn's skin, the man just laughed at Shawn's pain before leaving, leaving Shawn in the dark in the process. Shawn held his bleeding arm as he silently let the tears fall from his eyes.

"Carlton, please hurry." Shawn said to thin air as he wiped at his tears. All Shawn could do was pray that Carlton would find him, and that it would be before it was too late to save him. As the time ticked by, Shawn felt like the act of waiting to be saved or to find out if his captor was going to kill him was going to drive him crazy.

XXX As the hours passed by Carlton's heart began to break more. As Henry watched his son's lover he silently cursed himself, he never told Shawn how much he really did mean to him. Carlton told him that it would be a good idea to do that in case something happened to Shawn, just so Shawn would know how much he was cared for by his father but Henry never did. At the time Henry felt as if he had all the time in the world, Shawn was so young still. But this was showing Henry just how short life could be. Henry had to believe Shawn would be alright though, he just had to, he wouldn't be able to function right now if he let himself believe otherwise.

"We'll find him." Juliet said though it was more to herself then anybody else in the room. Carlton looked at her and smiled sadly, he was glad she could be positive, Juliet was a sensitive girl who didn't deserve the pain of losing somebody close. Another hour passed before another call came in from Shawn's captor. 


	4. Chapter 4

"Carlton, please hurry." they heard Shawn's sad and broken voice over the phone before the line went dead. Carlton's tears finally fell from his eyes as he heard Shawn's voice, he sounded so lost. He needed to find his pseudo psychic soon, Carlton turned his head as he wiped his eyes.

"What was that about?" Gus asked as his voice broke with the sob he chocked back. Carlton turned his head towards Shawn's best friend, he didn't deserve this.

"Guster, you didn't need to hear that." Carlton told him.

"Tell me what that was!" Gus demanded, Carlton had never heard Gus sound so angry before, but it wasn't just the anger in his voice it was also pain.

"It was a call from the guy who has Shawn, you didn't need to hear that and probably shouldn't have. I'm sorry." Juliet said as she walked up to Gus and handed him a tissue. Carlton then looked at Henry who rubbed furiously at his eyes. It was hard on all of them and Carlton was well aware of that, so he tried desparately to stay strong not only for the other people who cared for Shawn but for Shawn himself. It would do Shawn no good if Carlton was upset, he had to focus on finding Shawn before it was too late. Hours passed by and Juliet, Henry, Gus, and Carlton along with a few other officers from the precinct worked hard to find Shawn, but there was only so much they could do with no witnesses, leads, or anything else. Suddenly a another call from Shawn's captor cam in and all of them lisented to the message.

"Hello, detective Lassiter. Do you miss him yet? I'm sure you do. He misses you, he cries and prays that you'll find him, it's pathetic how weak he is. You'll never find him, at least not alive." he said laughing as the line went dead. Carlton's hand twitched towards his gun but he held himself back before he grabbed it and shot the phone, that wouldn't help anything.

"He's messing with us, the sick bastard knows we have nothing." Henry shouted his hands clenching into fists, he wanted to make this man pay for hurting his son.

"Henry, yelling is not going to help the situation." Carlton told him and Henry glared at him.

"Do not tell me it won't help, you don't even care what he's doing to my son. God knows what he's doing to him Carlton! You haven't shown any emotion since this entire thing started, you haven't showed anything. You don't even care for Shawn right now!" Henry yelled at him.

"I don't care? Believe me Henry I care. I'm scared to death for Shawn, I love him more then you will ever know. It's taking everything in my power to keep from breaking down. It's so hard knowing that if I had woken up when Shawn got out of bed this never would have happened, I don't know how Shawn managed to climb out of my arms without waking me up but I hate that it happened!" Carlton yelled right back at him. Carlton understood that this was causing everybody's emotions to run high but he didn't want to be accused of not caring.  
XXX

Shawn never thought it would end like this, but here he was. The man made one more cut with his knife to Shawn's shoulder before he pulled out a gun and fired.

Shawn's last thought was of Carlton before his world once again went black.

XXX A call came into the SBPD reporting that a body had been found, a man in his mid thirties wearing a green t-shirt and dark blue jeans with brown hair. Carlton, Juliet,  
Henry, and Gus all headed out, praying beyond hope that it wouldn't be Shawn. It felt like the world just stopped the minute Carlton saw him, his heart shattered. All day long he had hoped that this wouldn't be the outcome. Carlton knelt down beside him and pulled the limp body against his chest as the tears he held in all day broke free and fell from his eyes. Carlton could feel Shawn's blood on his hands but he couldn't bring himself to care. He placed his hand on the side of Shawn's neck as he kissed his jugular before laying his forhead against his neck. Carlton's tears dripped onto Shawn's neck before rolling off and onto the ground.

"Oh god." Gus said when he recovered from his intial shock before he emptied his stomach onto the ground. Juliet escorted Gus away from the scene as she wiped at her tears, Henry just stood there. Once Carlton stood up and stepped away, Henry stepped forward and grabbed his sons hand.  
"I'm sorry Shawn, I'm so sorry. I loved you so much, I know I didn't say that to you enough. I'm sorry I always tried to push you to be something you're not." Henry whispered to his son. 


	5. Chapter 5

A few days after finding Shawn, his funeral arrived. Carlton knew the five stages of grief, he knew that in order to heal a person had to go through all of the stages. It seemed as though the final stage would never come. He had moved past denial already, he didn't know what stage he was on though, sometimes it felt like a mixture of them all. Anger, bargaining, and depression, those were the remaining stages except for acceptence, it would take awhile to get there though but which stage was he on that's what he didn't know. At times he was angry at himself, at Shawn, or at the man who killed him. He was angry at Shawn for leaving him, he was angry at himself for not being able to protect Shawn. Other times he would find himself begging god to take him instead, begging god to bring Shawn back to him. But there was also the times where he felt hopeless, or pitying himself. Carlton had lost everything in the time span of a few hours. Carlton did know however what stage of greif Henry was on, but then it wasn't hard to tell. Henry was on the stage of anger, he seemed to be stuck on anger since Shawn had died. Carlton looked at the sky and sighed softly to himself as he walked through the cemetary. He could hear the birds as they sung their happy little song and he hated them for it, to him it felt like the world should be as sad as him. It was a beautiful day, the sun was shining in the blue sky, but Carlton felt like it shouldn't have been such a lovely day.

The funeral went by slowly as Carlton listened to the priest."I have been told that a few people have written speeches that they wanted to read, so if you'd kindly give them your attention." the priest said as he stepped aside as Henry was the first to stand and walked to the front.  
"People said that my son was immature, and maybe he was. But it was his child-like heart that drew people to him, it was his actions that made people smile and he had a way of brightening their day. I had tried to make Shawn into something he wasn't and something that he never wanted to be, and I sadly never got the chance to know what made my son happiest. I love Shawn, and I know that like all of you here today, I will never forget him." Henry said as he wiped away his tears before walking back to his seat to allow the next person to go. Carlton listened to the rest of the speeches that people such as Juliet and Gus gave before it was his turn to read the speech he had written to say goodbye to Shawn.  
"Many of you here today know that at first I couldn't stand Shawn, he was so diffrent then myself. But Shawn taught me to actually live, Shawn taught me that life was too short to be a stiff who always planned everything. I thought Shawn was an immature person who refused to grow up but then I realized that it was just his personality, he was just a naturally happy person. Shawn was a sweet loving man who didn't deserve what happened to him. I loved Shawn and my only regret is that it took as long as did for our relationship to start." Carlton said as his voice broke in a quiet sob. Why did he have to lose Shawn? Why did Shawn have to die? that's all he could think about as the day went on.


	6. Chapter 6

A few days after Shawn's funeral Carlton returned to work, after Vick ordered him to take some time off. She was worried that what happened to Shawn would be enough to drive the head to dective to snap. She was worried sometimes that Carlton was close to breaking and shooting someone before this happened so this just worried her more,  
but she agreed to let him return after only a week off. But he did promise to talk with the departments Psychatrist for two hours three times a week.

XXX "How have you been since I last saw you, Carlton?" the psychatrist Dr. Thomson asked, he was a nice man, younger then Shawn was, but by the lines under his eyes you wouldn't know it. He had blonde hair that had a little bit of brown in it and brown eyes.

"I had another dream last night." Carlton confessed and Dr. Thomson nodded as he watched the way Carlton's eyes wondered around the room like he had many times before, he felt bad for him.

"Would you like to tell me about it?" DR. Thomson asked.

"I was talking with Shawn one second, then he was just gone. I heard him say 'Carlton, please hurry.' then I woke up." Carlton told him sadly remembering the last words he ever heard Shawn say.

"You couldn't have changed anything Carlton, what happened that day was not your fault. I know that you blame yourself, but you need to learn that there was nothing you could have done to stop it. The man who killed him, it was his fault not yours. I never met Shawn, but from what your coworkers say about him he doesn't sound like he would want you blaming yourself." Dr. Thomson told him.

"I didn't protect him, I promised him I would never let anything bad happen to him. All I did was sit there, I did nothing. Oh god, I didn't do anything, I just let Shawn die, I just let that man kill him." Carlton said as he started crying.

"Carlton, there was nothing you could do. Tell me about when you found Shawn." Dr. Thomson said as he handed Carlton a box of tissues.

"I just grabbed him and cried, I just kissed his throat. Sometimes I can still feel his blood on my hands no matter how many times I wash my hands." Carlton responded as he wiped away his tears. Carlton talked to Dr. Thomson until his time was up.

XXX The next day Carlton walked into the precinct only to stop after walking in. "It was horrible, Shawn was just laying there. He had so much blood on him. I've never seen anything so gruesome in my entire life, I've also never seen detec..." some new beat cop was saying but his voice caught in his throat as Carlton glared at him. Lassiter was so close to just shooting the guy.

"Shut up." Carlton growled at him and the man simply nodded his eyes wide with fear. Carlton gave him one more look before he walked to his desk and sat down sighing sadly as he fought to keep his tears from falling down his face. An hour later a call came in, an anonymous tip came in about the man who killed Shawn and Carlton and Juliet both rushed out of the precinct. The tip was exactly what they needed to find the man who killed Shawn.

Once Juliet was walking the man to the police car he looked back at Carlton and smiled.  
"Shawn never stopped saying you were going to find me, he was so sure you were going to save him. He thought you were going to be his hero, but you never came did you detective? You just let him die." The man laughed and Carlton almost went after him before a couple of other cops held him back and stopped him from shooting the man.

"I'll kill you, you son of a bitch. I'll fucking kill you, you're dead you sick bastard, you're dead!" Carlton shouted as his eyes filled with tears and they fell down his face, Carlton was unable to wipe them away because the cop's holding him back had ahold of his arms. Carlton pulled his arms out of their grasp's once the car was out of sight, the guy just made him so mad.  



	7. Chapter 7

Carlton went to the trial everday day, listened to the crack pot theory the deffense had cooked up to try to get him off. The defense claimed that he was not guilty because of mental instability. Carlton knew the man was not crazy, he was sick but not in the crazy sense of the word. Carlton knew this man had watched him and Shawn, he knew that his crime was planned before hand. They had discovered that soon into the case. How else would that man know about Shawn's relationship with Carlton? Or that Carlton was a detective?

XXX Carlton walked down the steps of the court house one day when the trial had ended for that day, as soon as his foot hit the second to last step he was bonbarded with questions by the reporters that were gathered outside of the court house.

"Detective Lassiter, what do you think of the defenses claim of insanity?" A reporter asked.

"No comment" Carlton replied as he walked down the steps, got into his Crown Vic and drove away, ignoring the flahes that came from the reporter's cameras. He couldn't have cared less about giving the press a qoute. Carlton didn't follow the story on the news, he didn't want to relive every second of the hours that Shawn was missing, or relive the moment he saw Shawn laying there. His beautiful green eyes that Carlton loved never to see anything again, it hurt Carlton to know the last thing Shawn saw was that man, it hurt him to know Shawn was alone with that man when he died. Carlton wondered why god had to take away the people he loved before he was ready to lose them.

True, Victoria left him of her own choice and Shawn didn't but that didn't make losing Shawn any diffrent then when he lost Victoria, it was only diffrent because he was happier with Shawn then he ever was with Victoria. He didn't love Victoria any more, but he would always love Shawn and Carlton knew that. Carlton didn't think it was fair Shawn died, he was so young. He still had half of his life ahead of him. He wished he could turn back time and stop this from ever happening or stop himself from wasting all those years he spent hating the pseudo psychic.

XXX One day when Carlton was doing laundry he found one Of Shawn's shirts in a drawer that was meant for his socks and a small sad smile appeared on his face, Shawn never put his clothes where they were meant to go. Carlton used to hate it, he used to get on Shawn about it. In fact it caused one of the biggest fights in their entire relationship. Carlton rubbed his hand over the yellow fabric remembering the fight.

Flashback...  
"Shawn why is your underwaear in the drawer where your pants go?" Carlton asked holding up the pair of blue boxers.

"I just put them away." Shawn replied.

"Yes I know that, but they were in with your pants. I told you a thousand times to put the clothes where they go." Carlton told the younger man.

"They're just clothes gees Carlton, you act like it's the end of the world or something." Shawn said.

"I do not, everything has it's place Shawn. It makes it easier to find things when you need them." Carlton retorted, he was starting to get annoyed.

"Loosen up, how much starch do you put on your clothes? You're such a stiff." Shawn said.

"I'm not a stiff just because I think you need to grow up." Carlton retorted, he was completly annoyed now.

"I am grown up, I just don't have a stick shoved up my ass." Shawn told him flatly.

"Well you don't act like you're grown up, you act like you're twelve sometimes just like Henry says." Carlton said.

"Leave my father out of this" Shawn responded in a threatening tone.

"No." Carlton said.

"Why do always have to bring him into our arguments?" Shawn asked, his voice wavering slightly.

"I don't always bring him up, don't you think it's time you stop throwing your little 'I never had a father who loved me for who I am' party. It's getting old Spencer." Carlton yelled.

"Well I never did, he always wanted me to be a cop just like him. But didn't care that I didn't want to be a cop." Shawn replied.

"Please you could never be a cop anyways, the only thing you could ever do without screwing it up is nothing. You've even managed to screw up being a fake psychic, I still don't know how you managed to fool people. God you act so stupid when your having one of your 'visions' that it's so obvious." Carlton said.

"You know what Carlton, Fuck you." Shawn yelled as he left slamming the door shut behind him. Carlton sat on the couch and mumbled to himself about it not being his fault that Shawn left. An hour later though Carlton felt horrible about hurting Shawn and grabbed the phone calling Shawn's cell, which Shawn never answered. Carlton then dialed Gus' phone.

"I swear to god Lassiter if I ever open my door to Shawn crying saying that he's a worthless screw up again, I'll gladly go to prison for asulting a police officer,do you understand me?" Gus asked when he answered the phone, being protective of his best friend like always.

End flashback...


	8. Chapter 8

**This is the very last chapter for in a perfect world. I kept forgetting to put this in the previous chapters, so I'll put in this chapter. First I sadly do not own Psych or any of the character's that appear in this story. I am mearly borrowing them for my own enjoyment. I got the idea for this story from a fan-art picture I saw on deviantart of Shawn and Carlton, the artist 'LevimHoshi' kindly gave me permission to use the idea. So I want to take the time to thank them for letting me use the idea. If you want to see the picture it's called in a perfect world.

* * *

**

Carlton checked the mail one day to find a subpeona there. He opened the letter and read it, he was wanted to testify against the man who killed Shawn. Carlton was so tempted to just rip the letter up. This was just so frustrating, he didn't want to testify and have to sit there staring at him, telling every single emotion he felt during the hours that his entire life had fallen apart. Why did he have to deal with this? Hadn't he already suffered enough?

XXX "Detective Lassiter, you were the one who was mentioned in the messages correct?" the lawyer asked, she was a petite red-head with blue eyes that wore glasses.

"Yes." Carlton replied, and the lawyer nodded her head.

"So the man who killed Mr. Spencer had called and taunted you in his calls?" she asked and Carlton wanted nothing more then to just run out of the court room.

"Yes he did." Carlton said as he remembered every single call clearly.

"I would like to play one of the recorded messages your honor." the lawyer said as she turned to the judge who nodded, she turned and walked to the table that she had been sitting at before she began questioning Carlton as her heels cliked on the floor. Carlton watched her hit the play button and wished that he was anywhere but here.

There was static for a few seaconds before Carlton heard "Hello, detective Lassiter. Do you miss him yet? I'm sure you do. He misses you, he cries and prays that you'll find him, it's pathetic how weak he is. You'll never find him, at least not alive." And that man laughed before the lawyer shut the recorder off. Carlton wiped at his tears, he didn't want to have to listen to those messages ever again. Carlton answered all of the questions that he was asked before finally the trial ended for the day.

XXX That night Carlton laied in bed, he couldn't sleep no matter how much he tried. He knew why he couldn't sleep, he was anxious to see what tomorrow would bring. It was the day that the jury made their decision of whether the man was innocent because of mental disease or defect or guilty. Carlton wanted to see if the jury was smart enough to see through the defenses lie. Carlton spent the night tossing and turning in his bed trying to fall asleep, but alas sleep avaded him.

The next day Carlton sat in between Juliet and Gus with Henry on the other side of Gus as they waited with bated breaths for the jury's decision. Finally after what seemed like forever to Carlton the jury returned. "Have you made a decision?" the judge asked.

"We have your honor, we find the defendant guilty of the first degree murder of Shawn Spencer" a jury member told the judge and Carlton let a small smile graze his lips, atleast Shawn's killer would be getting what he deserved. Carlton knew that it wouldnt bring Shawn back but he was happy that atleast Shawn would be getting the justice he deserved.

"Detectives, how do you feel about the jury's decision?" a reporter asked as Carlton, Juliet, Henry and Gus walked down the steps of the court house.

"We're happy that Shawn will get the justice he deserves" Carlton said and they all nodded in agreement before they all got into their own cars and headed home.

Carlton sat on his couch staring at a picture of Shawn and himself, it was taken on their two year anniversary. Shawn had his arms wrapped tightly around Carlton's shoulder's hugging him. Shawn was so happy that day, Carlton had gotten two cds of Shawn's two favorite bands from the eighties. Carlton was glad that Shawn was happy, it caused him so much stress to find those cds but Shawn had made it all worth it that night. Carlton wished that Shawn didn't die like he had ever since he saw his body that day. Carlton knew that in a perfect world this could never have happened, in a perfect world Shawn would still be here with him. But Carlton also knew that this world was far from being perfect.

THE END...


End file.
